he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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