So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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