I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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