all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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