How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
