If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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