But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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