dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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