I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
