No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
