foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
