Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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