I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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