Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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