OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
