I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
did you just send me my own nude
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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