I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
