I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just threw up on my dentist
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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