He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
