I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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