How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize