I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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