Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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