before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
