I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
