do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
