Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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