There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
