It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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