We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
