I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The Olympian is in my bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
