you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
