I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize