I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
