saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
