brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
