No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize