I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you still have your period?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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