I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
