Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
