The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want nice things and good sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
