So gin and wine won't be happening again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
