I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
