a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
