I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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