my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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