So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
