you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
