I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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