he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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