My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
