by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
