i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
