i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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