I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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