Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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