HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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