I CAN MOONWALK!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
