If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
