he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
