Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sex in a hospital.. check
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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