My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i think i just lost a toe
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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