Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
