1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
