I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
